How clear messaging turned browsers into buyers

As a copywriter, I see a lot of ‘About’ pages. Some of them are great, and some of them, well, they need a little work.

Here’s a case study of an ‘About’ page I revised for an allied health professional. As you will see, most of my changes were simple…so you can do them too.

The issue

I worked with this client – an allied health professional – on a Web Copy Audit. As part of that process, we established that their ‘About’ page was letting them down.

Their messaging – who they help and why someone might choose them over the hundreds of other practitioners in their category – was about as clear as mud in a beer bottle. Which is not very clear at all.

Desired outcome

During the Audit, we talked about what they wanted their ‘About’ page to do and they decided they wanted it to :

• showcase their professional skills and
• generate bookings for their service.

And after a little more discussion, we established that they also wanted an engaging tone and simple language so that their potential clients understood how they could benefit from working with them and felt comfortable making an enquiry.

BEFORE

This client had a lot of great information hidden in their ‘About’ page but their messaging wasn’t clear and their vibrant personality, as well as their passion for their work, was also missing. You can see my initial comments on their ‘About’ page in the ‘Before’ image.

The process

Having spent time with them working on who they serve and how they help them, I was able to identify the key messages that were missing from their original ‘About’ page.

I also changed the order of their words and added headings, bullets and buttons that address customer pain points.

These pain points were the key messages missing from their original text.

The client identified the missing pain points as:

• frustration that nothing has worked so far
• concern that this will be another failed attempt, and
• a fear of what is to come next.

I also interpreted some of the jargon so that the language was closer to what clients would use. These changes make the second version more engaging.

As this client has requested anonymity, names, images and details have been changed.

AFTER

The result

In the rewritten page, you will see that the ideas in the copy are the same, but they are presented with headings and bullet points which ‘guide’ the reader through the text. I also:

addressed a number of pain points potential clients would have about seeking help from an occupational therapist.

used ‘Plain English’ so potential clients would feel comfortable talking to Claudette and

The pain points are addressed in the headings and also in the text that talks about personalised care.

The action they’re being asked to take (call Claudette) is also much clearer and the two personal touches – the quote under the image and the last line about what Claudette does in her free time – make her seem much more approachable than many others in the mental health field.

Since our work on the ‘About’ page, it’s been pretty clear that most people would prefer the second version and Claudette is seeing clients who really need her help. Which is a fantastic outcome.

Next steps

Need some personalised help with your ‘About’ page? Let’s have an obligation-free chat.

‘About’ pages are my super power…and everyone needs a superhero in their corner sometimes.